More of God - Ram's Story Part 2

Ram's story continued - part 2

God or the devil?

I began this new quest to hear from God, trying to understand why he had chosen me out of all the people there were in Derby. There is a very strong Muslim, Indian and Hindu community in Derby.

I started to attend the local EMCF fellowship there; I would go with my now good friend Chandresh. The renewed vision of being able to walk with confidence into the presence of the king consumed me. I began to pray and worship and would be excited every time I went to bed. I expected Him to meet me.

I woke up at 3.33am that night and wondered why the Lord had not met with me in some way. So I did the routine prayer for the church then my family then myself.

This continued night after night. It would get real late and I would have to get up early for college. Not much happened and somehow I got into a routine of praying and mainly worshiping after college, and then waking up early in the night. 3am become my second prayer time each night. I would call it the "hour of power." I started to wonder why God would not answer my prayers.

They mainly consisted of. "You tell me what it is you want me to do and I will go and do it!"
One night I was falling asleep after doing the normal prayer and was closing my eyes but I was still awake saying, "You can still come and meet with me." Telling the Lord I was still awake and ready.

Then suddenly something started to happen...I got scared as a wind entered the room and was hovering over me and I felt it start pouring into my chest.

My mind was in full red after I realized I was frozen on the bed, my arms and whole body became heavy and I could not move, I had no control over my body and I was stuck there. This unknown presence was pouring into me!!

I started to try and fight and struggle and I managed to say "No in Jesus name!!!"
Then as soon as it came, it was gone. I lay there, the presence had lifted and I had regained full control of my body. I was left wondering what had just happened. I kept thinking it must have been a demon or maybe even aliens coming to take me away with them!!

His Presence came again

The next day I prayed and worshipped and went to bed as normal. I awoke at 2am and did my normal chatting with the Lord until about 3am. I started to get tired and wondered why I was even praying at this crazy time of night.

I lay there on the bed once again just waiting for the Lord, then suddenly the liquid presence came, it was pouring all over me. I could not move and was once again thinking the devil had come to attack me. I started to fight and as soon as I did, it lifted and was gone again.

I began to really complain to the Lord about way the enemy was attacking me like this. This went on for close to 2 weeks, and one morning after my early morning "attack" the Lord put a verse in my mind. I looked it up, it was Matthew 7 verse 7, and it really spoke to me. It was, if you ask for bread in His name, I (Jesus) will not give you a stone but give you good gifts.

It was like I heard the voice of God in my heart saying, "It’s ME!" I felt kind of silly that I had been praying and asking him to come and every time He did come I fought him as if he was a demon or something unknown to me. This was going to change!

That day I went and did my studies at college and ran home ready to pray. I was really excited that I was going to hear the voice of God that night. I could hardly sleep...I opened my eyes it was 3.00am. I was ready!!

I lay there with my hands up in bed saying, "I’m ready, let’s go!"
I waited just worshiping the Lord under my breath. I would pray sometimes in silence as I did not want to awake my family. As I lay there, suddenly it started. I felt that warm liquid, thick wind start moving around me and hit me in my chest. My mind was going crazy again saying, "This is not God," but I was fighting myself saying in one breath "hold on longer" and with the next breath "I cannot move!"

As I lay there, trying my best not to say anything just trying to hold on as long as I could. The wind started to move up my chest and started to move around my head. It’s very hard to describe but it started to pour into every part of me, my ears, nose, mouth, eyes and I started to hear a great noise. There was a great swirling, like breaking though some thing and each time it would get louder and louder. "No!" I shouted, and as soon as I did, the Presence left me.

I looked at the clock; it was as if time stood still whenever this presence would come. I lay there all night after that and was very tired all day at college. I was disappointed, with myself for not holding on longer than I had.

A few nights passed and nothing happened, I prayed but didn't have any encounters. It was very draining, at least whenever the Presence came I would not feel tired the next day. The Presence of God was always renewing and refreshing.

The days turned to weeks and I was coming to the point of giving up. I was still dreaming like crazy but I was looking for the encounter, something new! I would still wake up at 3am. Sometimes I would just grunt a prayer like, "Yeah, I’m sure your going to come, I guess not I will try again later."

As my frustration snowballed I was really hungry for anything from the Lord. I once again woke up in the early hours and lay there grumbling at the Lord, as I turned to try and go back to sleep, the wind came back into the room and began to pour into my chest. The wind moved fast, it was like warm oil. Something real, it started to pour all over my face, in my ears, mouth, and eyes, going into my mind, the noise was like a great sound that got louder and louder, breaking into a new level and faster and faster.

I thought I might die if this continued. I kept telling myself to hold on, keep holding on. It was getting too much for me once again. Just as I was going to pull out, there was a great flash, and in an instant I was moving at high speed flying on the back of an Angel, going down the streets of Derby. The speed we were traveling was faster than anything I had ever experienced. Then we started to move higher up, and we got so high, we entered another realm, some place. I felt the wind, I could touch it, taste it.

We stopped and the Angel led me up a mountain, talking with me and showed me a temple of worship for the nations. An incredible sight! I opened my eyes and I was back in bed looking at the clock - 3.33am, it was like time had frozen. I asked myself "Wow what was that?" I was so excited I did not understand what had happened but I knew it was the Lord!!

I awoke that morning saying to myself, "I know God!" I had tasted something of God and it was good.

I was desperate to get home and pray and worship and meet with the Lord. I started to have nightly encounters with the Holy Spirit. Each time I held on I would be taken somewhere or shown some thing.

The Cross - I was there

Another time I was praying and asking the Lord to show Himself to me, and thanking Him for what was coming. As I closed my eyes it started, His spirit came and I was taken to a certain place. The Lord allowed me to have a full vision of the time before he went on the cross, it was a very vivid vision. It began with darkness, then I saw Roman soldiers kicking and spitting on a man who was on His knees on the floor. Then I saw them placing the crown of thorns on His head and I realized it was the Lord.

He was carrying the cross, there were demons swooping down and hitting Him. He fell down and was told to pick the cross up and was led up to the crucifixion place.

The sky was a dark red color and as they began to hammer the nails into His hands, as the nails sank deeper, he began to transform into a baby ( defenceless) it was left to die. His head fell down as if dead, then there was darkness. Great silence and darkness lasted for a while then I saw something coming . At first it looked like a little cross but it got bigger and bigger, and then there before me was a shining gold cross.

As I viewed this cross, looking at it, I began to pull away and see this cross standing alone on a mountain hill, looking. As I was pulling away from this I noticed many other small crosses, millions of them. I had a feeling that these were people who were truly saved and evil could not touch them. As I saw this, I noticed demons flying around.

They went down into this area and sat on the crosses. As soon as they sat, the Angel of the Lord came out like lighting, flying. He was huge and so fast, with His sword out in front of Him, he cut the demons up and then placed the sword in front of him and was flying straight toward me. He came so close that I saw His eyes. I saw teh cross of the Lord in the eyes of the Angel, it was like He flew into my mind.

I was then taken to a place, which I first thought was hell,. It was an underground place where a huge dragon sat, and there was a big boiling pot of hot lava. The dragon was stirring it and it was full of white crosses. He was laughing as the crosses were placed into this water, and as I watched this I was hidden in the Rock. I thought to myself, "This is the devil and fear gripped me and I wanted to get out of there.

As I started to look around I looked straight at this big dragon and it started to breath fire and opened it’s mouth wide and thousands of spirits and demons started to come out. I really wanted to get out of there now!!

Suddenly I was back on the surface of the earth, it looked like a war had just taken place across the planet and the sky was a dark red color and I could see no signs of life there.

I began to look to the sky and I was overcome with the feeling of the coming Presence of the Lord. I was shouting, "He's coming, He's coming!" to myself. Then the sky opened and from the heavens crosses began to fall down to the earth in a spiral motion. They fell fast and it created a circle. I began to feel I was about to meet the 12 disciples of the Lord coming down. I could not begin to count how many crossess were falling.

When that stopped I saw a big red carpet being rolled out. As it was rolling out, two great lions of gold were running along the carpet across the earth and I was about to explode with excitement about the Lord coming back!!

Then I was taken away and I was in space somewhere, walking on a marble floor. It was a palace of some type with angels standing guard at the corners of the building. These angels were way over 20 feet tall.

Indian demon
As I turned the corner there was a massive Indian type demon there and he was coming after me. I turned to see if the angels would help me but they remained at their posts.

This demon came right for me, it was ten times my size! and I fell down and cried out to the Lord to help. This demonic being breathed fire out, but a cross the size of a house came and acted as a shield for me. The flames were pushed back and the cross moved fast and went through the demon’s chest. The demon dropped down dead! That was the end of the vision.
I got up from my bed and was so excited and blessed the Lord.

Addicted to God

All I wanted, was to hear His voice. I had become so addicted to the presence I began praying for 4 to 5 hours, it felt like nothing and was a a taste of what I had been created for. My family would wonder what I would be doing in my room all this time. But during this time I also had demons manifest in my room and try and intimidate me. I would be wide awake and know a demon was in my room. The name of Jesus would always be more than enough; As I got closer to Him the more the darkness around me seemed real as well.

One time I woke up and there was a man outside my window. He was an Angel. I got so afraid that I hid under the bed covers and prayed, "Jesus I’m not ready to die, save me!" The angel just went away. The Lord trained me to value and loves His presence. At times I would pull out of the intensive encounter with the Spirit, the main reason I pulled out, was I never grew accustomed to His presence. There was always a fear of the Lord and also the intensity of the Presence would always seem to increase.

His presence was very overwhelming power. The Holy Spirit never forced Himself on me. He would always stop when I even made even a hint of "No."

There was a cost. Each time I pulled out of the encounter, I would have to wait. At first it would be a few weeks, then when I would pull out again it started to be months.

I felt I was dying as I needed His Presence. It was all I needed. I had lost all desire for anything this world had to offer. Girls, money...His presence was everything to me…

Between me and God

These encounters went on for the first five years of my Christian walk, during that time I spoke to many people about some of the things but the response I received was more negative than positive. People would say that these things don’t happen now, or tell me I was praying the wrong prayers. Some people even tried to cast demons out of me!

I started to keep anything that happened to me as a personal thing between me and the Lord, but I did keep a journal of any really awesome encounters. I thought these encounters happened to all Christians.

The season of Change...
My main goal and desire was still to hear the Lord speak and find out what He wanted from me. I had finished my first national diploma in science at College, so I was thinking about what career to pursue.

I was doing work with a good friend from the church ,Peter Cripps. He was a gift from God to me. He has the gift of loving the unlovable and he is a true man of God. We would work together most days, doing gardening work or anything else that came about. We spent many a day just preaching to one another about our hopes and dreams.

His wisdom and character is some thing I will never forget, he and His wife were to play a vital roll in where my life would go for the next few years.

I had been attending a really wonderful house church where each week we encountered the presence of the Lord. The leader of the house group was my mentor. I was learning more and more about church life and the Bible. My encounters stopped afterI pulled out of a very intensive encounter with the Holy Spirit. I had pulled out, and I knew I would have to wait for a while for Him to return.

I continued my routine of praying and waiting in the late hours of the night. This went on for 3 months, it had been the longest I had to wait for His tangible presence.

I started to fast, but was rebuked by the Lord as I was trying to earn His presence. He did not tell me to fast, I was just striving and doing anything I could to get Him too meet with me!

I had grown in some of the gifts of the Spirit. I would move in the prophetic pretty well, and spent a lot of time learning to hear the Lord for others. I would be dying, really not having a will to live because I longed for His presence so greatly. But in meetings I would feel the power of the Holy Spirit and get drunk in teh Spirit and minister to people. Every one would say "You are on fire for the Lord," but I did not feel that way. I learned very fast that manifestations and moving in the gifts does not necessarily mean you’re close to the Lord.

I began to go through a cold turkey type experience. I was addicted to His presence and there was nothing I could do to make Him come. All I could do was be available and be in the right place for Him to speak to me.

It was becoming very hard for me to keep up the prayer routine as it was so silent. I would wake up at the "Hour of power" and say a few words, and then turn over and try and fall back to sleep.
This went on for 5 months, I was coming to the end of myself...
One night it was 2:30am and I decided to pray. I was crying about why He would not come to me, I said some things, more complaining, as I lay there I just kept saying, "I'm ready, just come." I then got angry and said, "Why did Jesus die if not for restoration with me and God?" Then I said, "Oh well, I guess I will be talking to you tomorrow." I was still in hope for Him to come.

The golden light

Then out of nowhere a great golden light filled my room!! It was so bright I curled up in to a ball with my head trying to hide under the covers, it was like on a summers day and you close your eyes and can see the brightness through your eye lids.

I was thinking, "I'm really dead now, as I had made the living God angry with me."
I was telling myself to turn and see this glory, but the other part of me was saying, "Are you kidding, you’re about to become dust!" The fear and excitement cannot be described.

Then as I lay there, trying not to move or even breathe, or even think any thoughts, (I had become like a dead man) the Holy spirit started to come over me. The swirling presence like a great wind moving all over me, then it started to pour into me. I was once again frozen and the warm oil of the Spirit started to pour all over my head and entered my mouth, ears ,nose and eyes, it just enveloped me.

The sound begun to get louder and louder. With each level I went through the sound got louder and the intensity of His presence filled me.

I was holding on with all I had…I had made it past the sounds and once again I found my self on the back of an Angel. He was flying at great speed, He turned and told me, "You’re going to see God!"

We went though the city of Derby and then flew higher in to the night sky and suddenly I was enveloped in the cloud of Glory that was in my room. I was having a conversation with the Lord and was saying, "If this is really you, I’m going to raise my hands up and feel your Glory." I raised my hands on the bed, and felt the thick warm presence of the Lord over me. It was incredible!

I opened my eyes and I had my hands held up. The room was once again dark and it was 3.30am on the clock. I told myself "don’t tell anyone about what happened or they will be carting you off to the mental hospital".

I was on a high for the rest of the day as I was thinking, "I’m going to really meet God." I had house church that night, I was so excited I prayed and asked the Lord to speak to me and to tell me what was going on. During the meeting no one gave me a word and I was getting ready to run home and have my "encounter."

As I was leaving a friend stopped me and said, "I don’t know what this means but I saw you standing in the ocean and the waves were getting bigger and bigger until they completely overcame you and you had no control". I grabbed my friend’s hand and said, "That is the word of the Lord." I was so excited about what was going to happen that night. On the way home I kept saying "I’m going to meet with God. I’m going to meet with God."

When I reached home I did not even eat. I ran upstairs and started to pray. As I awoke at the normal time, I did not even pray. I just said, "OK I’m here, let’s go." I lay there saying, "you're welcome, just come do whatever you want to." The presence came! It started to fall on me and it felt overwhelming, the liquid presence was pouring into me and my head felt like it was going to explode. The weight that was pouring into me was such that I had never come close to all the other times. I felt my body sinking and it was like the very breath was begin sucked out by that Presence. The noise in my head was such that nothing can explain it.

Once again going through levels of sound and each level brought a louder sound, I could not take this, I started to tell myself pull out! I could not take it, I was fighting myself as this was happening, trying to hold on, thinking it would break, but the presence kept coming and coming until I felt I was about to die there.

I started to lose my ability to talk and I got a faint "No" out of my mouth. And as suddenly as He came, He lifted and was gone. As God’s presence moved on, I saying, "No, please come back!"
It was too late. At that moment I realized it might be a long time until I would have another opportunity.

Training for reigning

The next day I was involved in some meetings, I was approached by a lady from out of town and she felt she had a word for me. It was a word about God emptying the well and laying new foundations. Believe it or not I had another two people come and give me the same type of word in one day.

To be continued...

You'll find part one of Ram's story here

http://acloserwalkwithgod.blogspot.com/2008/02/god-is-at-work-rams-story-part-1.html